Ashamed Soldier  

 
Peter joined the army when he was eighteen, and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier. He did quite well in everything except shooting.

One day he and his friends were practicing their shooting, and all of them were doing quite well except Peter. After he had shot at the target nine times and had not hit it once, the officer who was trying to teach the young soldiers to shoot said, You‘re quite hopeless, Peter! Don‘t waste your last bullet too! Go behind that wall and shoot yourself with it!

Peter felt ashamed. He went behind the wall, and a few seconds later the officer and the other young soldiers heard the sound of a shot.

Heavens! The officer said. Has that silly man really shot himself?

He ran behind the wall anxiously, but Peter was all right. I‘m sorry, sir, he said, but I missed again.

翻譯

慚愧的士兵

彼得十八歲那年參了軍，他需要參加幾個月的學習以成為一名好士兵。彼得在其他方面都做得很好，但是射擊不行。

一天他和伙伴們練習射擊，除了彼得其他人都沒有問題。他射了九次，一次也沒有命中目標。這時，教新兵射擊的教官說：彼得，你看來是沒希望了，不要連最后一發子彈都浪費掉！去那堵墻后面用它向自己打一槍吧。

彼得感到非常慚愧。他走到那堵墻后面。幾分鐘后，教官和新兵們聽到一聲槍響。

上帝！教官叫起來，難道那個笨蛋真的朝自己開槍了？

他急忙跑到那堵墻后面，發現彼得安然無恙。對不起，長官，他說，我還是沒有命中。

The Best Stimulant 
 
A patient said to his doctor, “Doc, please give me something that will stimulate me, excite me, and put me in a, very, very highly stimulated spirit, a fighting, excited spirit.”

So the doctor said, “Don‘t worry, take this, and after you see the bill, you will have all these feelings.”

翻譯

最佳興奮劑

病人跟醫生說：“醫生，請給我一些可以振奮、刺激、充滿斗志的藥。”

醫生說：“別擔心，這個拿去，看到這張帳單以后，你要的這些就都會有了。”

Saving Lives 

At a pre-med university in St. Louis, we had to take a difficult class in physics. One day the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask Why do we have to learn this stuff?

To save lives. The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. So how does physics save lives? he persisted. It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school, replied the professor.

翻譯

救人

在圣路易斯的一所醫學院預科大學，學生必須修一門很難的物理課。一天，教授正在探討一個特別復雜的概念，一個學生粗魯地打斷他的話，問道：為什么我們一定要學這種東西？

為了救人。教授很快回答，繼續講課。幾分鐘后，那個學生再次大聲堅持：那么物理怎么救人呢？教授回答：它通常可以把你這種笨蛋趕出醫學院。

Tightfisted Till the End

 
When a very miserly（吝嗇的） man nicknamed the “stingy ghost” died and went to hell, the Yama King reproached（責斥） him, saying, “You stingy ghost! When you were alive, you clung hard to everything and wouldn‘t give to anyone. Even when you saw others in poverty and misery, you refused to offer them help. Also, you didn‘t take good care of your parents, relatives or friends and let them suffer and starve. For your evil karma（因果報應） , you‘ll be dumped into a pot of boiling oil.”

The ghost wardens then escorted the man to the pot of boiling oil, and when they arrived, he looked at the pot and said, “Hey! Wait a minute! There‘s so much oil in it. What a waste! Please drain out the oil, sell it and give me the money. Then, you can simply dump me in a pot of boiling water!  There‘s no need for oil. You‘re using too much oil to cook one person anyway!”

翻譯

本性難移

有一個人很吝嗇，叫吝嗇鬼，他死了以后下地獄，閻羅王罵他說：“你這個吝嗇鬼，在塵間的時候什么東西都抓很緊不放，什么人都不給，看到貧窮、痛苦的人也不幫助，父母、親戚、朋友也沒有照顧好，讓他們都挨餓受苦，你這種兇惡的業障，應該被放入滾開的油鍋里面。”

鬼差就帶他到滾得很熱、很燙的油鍋那邊，吝嗇鬼一看就說：“喔，等一下、慢一下！油那么多，怎么那么浪費呢？你們先把這些油倒出來，賣出去后把錢給我，然后丟我在熱燙的水里就可以了！何必用油，而且還用那么多油!”