1.You Are Too Late
 
On the bus a man discovered a pickpocket‘s hand thrust into his pocket.
“sorry,” he said to the pickpocket, “you are too late. My wife did it before you.”

翻譯：

你太晚了

在公共汽車上一人發現一個小偷把手伸到了他的口袋里。
“對不起，”他對小偷說，“你太晚了，我妻子在你之前就做過同樣的事情了?！?

2.Beware of Dog!
As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, “Danger! Beware of dog!” posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.  “Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?” he asked the owner. “Yep, that‘s him,” came the reply.  The stranger couldn‘t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn‘t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”  “Because,” the owner explained, “Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!”

翻譯：

小心有狗!

一名陌生人走進一家鄉間小商店，看到玻璃門上帖著的一個告示牌上寫著，“危險! 小心有狗!”  進去后，他看到一條樣子一點都不兇的老狗趴在收款機旁邊的地板上睡覺。 “這就是大伙都得留神的那只狗??？” 陌生人問店主?！笆牵褪撬?，店主回答。 聽到這個回答， 陌生人覺得很好笑?！拔矣X得那條狗一點都不可怕。 你帖那個告示做什么？” “因為，” 店主解釋說，“在我帖告示之前， 大伙老被他絆倒。

 3.Mental deficiency
 
“Would you mind telling me, Doctor,” Bob asked …”how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?” “Nothing is easier,” he replied. “You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track.” ” Well, What sort of question?” “Well, you might ask him, ‘Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?‘ Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, “You wouldn‘t happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don‘t know much about history.”

翻譯：

智力缺陷

“醫生，你能不能告訴我，”鮑勃問，“對于一個看 上去很正常的人，你是怎樣判斷出他有智力缺陷的呢？”“再沒有比這容易的了，”醫生回答，“問他一個簡單的問題，簡單到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不 干脆，那你就知道是怎么回事了?！薄澳且獑柺裁礃拥膯栴}呢？”“嗯，你可以這樣問，‘庫克船長環球旅行了三次，但是在其中一次的途中他去世了，是哪一次 呢？’”鮑勃想了一會兒，緊張的回答道，“你就不能問另外一個問題嗎？坦率地說，我對歷史了解的不是很多?！?/p>

Tags:英語 笑話 太晚 晚了