1.I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, “What happened?”
“A kid bit me,” replied Ivan.
“Would you recognize him if you saw him again?” asked his mother.
“I‘d know him any where,” said Ivan. “I have his ear in my pocket.”

翻譯：

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發生了什么事？”
“一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。
“再見到他你能認出來嗎？”媽媽問。
“他走到哪里我都能認出他，”伊凡說。“他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。”

2.Things Have Been Okay

A young couple was becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him.

Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, “Mom, the toast is burned.”

“You talked! You talked!” shouted his mother. “I‘m so happy! But why has it taken this long.”

“Well, up till now,” said the boy, “things have been okay.”

翻譯：

一切都很好

一對年輕的夫婦對于他們四歲的兒子仍然不會說話這件事非常著急。他們帶他去看專家，但是醫生們找不出任何不正常的地方。

之后有一天早上，這個男孩突然說道：“媽媽，面包拷糊了。”

“你說話了！你說話了！”他的媽媽嚷道。“我真高興！但是為什么要我們等這么長的時間呢？”

“嗯，直到現在，”男孩說，“每件事都很正常啊。”

 
 
3.Are you going to treat me?

An American actress came to China for the first time. One day when she was looking for her new Chinese friend after a performance, she came across an anxious Chinese who had always wanted to practice his English with native speakers, but had never found the chance. When he saw the actress, he went up and exchanged greetings, then started his practice.
“How old are you?”
“I’m sorry. Please don’t ask a lady about her age,” the actress said uneasily.
“How much do you earn each month?” the Chinese tried hard to recall this sentence from his textbook.
“Sorry again. We don’t feel like telling others about that either, “ she again refused to answer.
“Have you had lunch?” the Chinese tried again to show his traditional way of greeting.
“No, are you planning to treat me to a meal?’ she asked in surprise.

翻譯：

要請客嗎？

有位美國女演員首次來中國演出，有一天演出結束后在找她的中國朋友時，碰見一位總想與老外練講英語的中國人，可惜他一直沒有這樣的機會。當看到這位女演員時，他走上前去互相問候，接著便練起英語來。
“你多大啦？”
“對不起，請不要問女士的年齡，”演員感到很不自在。
“你每月掙多少錢？”中國人極力回憶著教科書上的句子。
“對不起，我們也不愿意把這事告訴給人家。”她再次拒絕了對方。
“你吃過飯了嗎？” 中國人再次用本民族的傳方式詢問對方。
“沒有，你要請我吃飯嗎？”她驚喜地問。

Tags:英語 笑話