Looking for my book, that’s what you do when you write a book. I can’t find mine; all I can find are dirty novels, cookbooks and diet books. Year after year cook books and diet books are the biggest seller, how not to eat it once you’ve learned how to cook it. To sell a diet book you need some crazy idea of what to eat or not to eat. Here’s a peanut butter diet book, the ice cream diet book, the bikini diet, none of these books agrees on what you should or shouldn’t eat.
The Atkins Diet has been popular for year, Atkins make nutritionists mad by saying you can eat just about all the fat you want, as long as you don’t eat many carbohydrates, sugar and bread. I like Atkins because I cook with butter. The Scarsdale Diet was a popular fad for several years, it has a chart in here indicating what you ought to weigh. Says a woman five feet four ought weigh between 110 and 123 pounds. If you’re a man five foot eight, Doctor Tarnower said you should weigh between 137 and 153 pounds. Well I’m a man five foot eight, who weighs between 205 and 206 pounds, according to him I should be six feet six inches tall.
Doctor Phil has a new book out, looks good but I’d be afraid Doctor Phil’s diet might make bald. The Pritikin Diet, everything is non-fat milk in these diets. That’s why kids aren’t drinking milk anymore: tastes like fat-free dishwater. They only have charts listing things you could eat, like half a piece of celery of 4.5 grams of applesause. Is there anyone who knows what a gram of applesauce look like?
This is the most popular book these days, the South Beach Diet Book. There are some surprises in here, it ahs a list of foods to avoid and one of them is apples. Maybe that’s because apples are bad for the doctor’s business, “an apple a day keeps a doctor without pay.”
You’ve all seen the diet ads at the back of bad magazines, before after, she took Hydroxycut to lose weight. Before, midpoint, after, boy, she’s had that bathing suit a long while. If I really wanted to lose weight though I know what I’d do, I’d cut my eyebrows.
翻譯：
找我寫的書，如果你寫了一本書，你也會這么做的。 我找不到我寫的書，只找到一些色情小說，烹調(diào)書和關(guān)于減肥飲食的書。年復(fù)一年，烹調(diào)書和關(guān)于減肥飲食的書總是最暢銷的書，如果你學(xué)會了做菜，又怎能不去吃它呢。為了使一本關(guān)于減肥飲食的書好賣，在什么東西該吃，什么東西不該吃這個問題上，你必須得有一些瘋狂的想法。這里有花生醬減肥的書，冰激凌減肥的書，比基尼減肥的書，這些書在什么東西該吃，什么東西不該吃這個問題上從來沒有相同的觀點。
《阿特金斯減肥書》已經(jīng)暢銷好幾年了，阿特金斯把營養(yǎng)學(xué)家都逼瘋了，他說，你能吃所有你想吃的脂肪，只要不吃大量碳水化合物、糖和面包。我喜歡阿特金斯，因為我做飯喜歡用黃油。好幾年來，《斯卡斯代爾減肥書》盛行不衰，書里有一張表格指出人的標準體重。例如，一名身高五英尺四英寸的女子體重應(yīng)該在110至123磅之間。如果你是一名身高五英尺八英寸的男人，塔恩奧厄醫(yī)生說，你的體重應(yīng)該在137至153磅之間。我的身高是五英尺八英寸，體重是205或206磅。照他的說法，我應(yīng)該有六英尺六英寸高。
費爾醫(yī)生寫了一本新書，看起來不錯，但我很擔心，費爾醫(yī)生的食譜也許會讓我禿頂?！镀樟皱呀饻p肥法》里，所有一切都是脫脂牛奶。這就是為什么孩子們都不再喝牛奶了，因為那玩意兒喝起來就像不含脂肪的洗碗水。他們只列出你應(yīng)該吃的東西，例如半棵芹菜，4.5克蘋果醬。誰知道1克蘋果醬到底有多少嗎？
這本是當前最流行的書——《南海岸食譜》。書里有一處著實令人感到驚訝，在一列禁食的食品單里，其中有一項竟然是蘋果。這也許是應(yīng)為蘋果會妨礙醫(yī)生的生意，“一天一蘋果，醫(yī)生沒得活”。
你曾在一些糟糕的雜志封底見過一些減肥食品的廣告，模特兒在服用燃脂丸之前或之后的樣子。服藥之前、之間、之后， 天哪，她那件游泳衣一定穿了好長時間。如果我真要減肥，我知道該怎么做，我要剃掉我的眉毛。
Tags:減肥
