1、The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.”
The first man said, “You can‘t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.”
The agent replies, “Then you‘re not the right man for this job.”
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can‘t kill my wife.”
The agent replies, “You don‘t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Finally, it was the woman‘s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn‘t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
翻譯：
美國中情局要召一個刺客的職位。在進行過所有背景調查、面談和測試之后，最終剩下三名候選人，兩個男人和一個女人。最后一輪測試，中情局官員把其中一個男人領到一扇大鐵門前，然后給他一把槍。
“我們要了解你能夠無條件地服從所有指令。在這扇門里有你老婆，你去把她干掉。”
這第一個男人說：“少開玩笑了！我絕對不可能會向我老婆開槍的。”
官員回答說：“那你就不適合這份工作。”
接著他們要求第二個男人做同樣的事。他拿了槍走進房間，5分鐘后哭著出來，說：“我試過了，但我不能殺死我的妻子。”
官員說：“你不具備這項工作要求的能力，帶著你老婆回家吧。”
最后輪到了候選者中的女人。她被要求殺死自己的丈夫。她拿槍進入房間。接著，外面聽到了兩聲槍響。然后是尖叫聲、撞擊聲、和什么東西摔在墻上的聲響。再幾分鐘，一切都安靜了。門慢慢打開，那女人站在那里。她把袖子卷起來，說：“你們這些家伙怎么不告訴我槍里沒裝子彈啊？我最后還是用椅子把他打死的！”（英語笑話 m.fenghuangtongcheng.cn ）
2、An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher‘s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
翻譯：
親愛的老婆：
她的家人聞聲趕來，發現電腦屏幕上留著這么一封信：
一個伊利諾伊州男人離開他已經開始下雪的芝加哥的家、要去南方的福羅里達州度假。他的太太也正好在福羅里達出差，準備第二天跟他碰面。他到了酒店之后，打算先給她太太去一封郵件。
因為找不到寫下他太太郵件地址的那張紙條，所以他決定憑記憶發出這封信。可惜，他在輸入地址的時候漏掉了一個字母，因而把這封郵件發到了另一位夫人的郵箱，這位夫人的牧師丈夫頭天才剛剛過世。這個悲傷的寡婦打開郵箱，讀完信后哀嚎一聲、倒在地板上就死了。
我剛剛住進來，一切都準備好了，就等你來。
你親愛的老公。
另：這下面還真是熱。（原意指福羅里達州在芝加哥南部）
