Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. “A man came to me who had his hand cut off,” said one. “Today that man is a concert violinist.”

“That‘s nothing,” said another. “A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on, and today that man is a marathon runner.”

“I can top both of you,” said the third. “One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. There was nothing left but a horse‘s posterior – and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in United States Senate.

 翻譯：
 

三個有名的外科醫生正在吹噓他們的技術。“一個人斷了一只手，他來找我，”一個說，“如今那個人是個音樂會的小提琴手。”

“這算不了什么，”另一個說。“一個家伙兩條腿斷了，他來找我，我將它們接了回去。如今，那人是馬拉松選手。”

“我比你們兩個都強，”第三個說，“一天，我碰到一起可怕的車禍。除了一個馬屁股，和一幅眼睛，什么都沒有留下。如今，那人坐在美國參議院里。”

The absent-minded professor shouted: “Kate, come to the blackboard!”

Another student says, “Kate is absent, Professor.”

“Silent! Let Kate speak for herself.”

 翻譯：

粗心的教授大聲地喊道：“凱特，到黑板前面來！”

另外一個學生說：“教授，凱特沒來。”

“別出聲，讓凱特自己講。”

Teacher: Jack, why aren‘t you listening?

Jack: But, teacher, I‘m listening.

Teacher: If you were listening, tell me what I said just now.

Jack: You said, “Jack, why aren‘t you listening?”

 翻譯：

老師：杰克，你為什么不認真聽課？
杰克：老師，我正在聽課呀！

老師：如果你剛才在聽課，那告訴我剛才我說的什么。
杰克：您說的是：“杰克，你為什么不認真聽課？”