1.I painted the vase

A wealthy matron（主婦，保姆） is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several

painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric（古怪的） woman.
Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.
Years later, he retires and truns the business over to his son. ″Dad,″ says the son, ″there‘s something I‘ve got to know. How did you get those walls to

match the vase so perfectly?″
″Son,″ the father replies, ″I painted the vase.″

翻譯：

我漆了花瓶

一位富婆為擁有一只珍貴的古玩花瓶而深感驕傲,以至于竟要把臥室漆成與花瓶同樣的顏色。幾名油漆匠試圖調(diào)出這個底色,但是誰也不能令那位古怪的婦女滿意。
最后來了位油漆匠。他非常自信能調(diào)出那種顏色。那位富婆對他的成果非常滿意,油漆匠于是一舉成名。
多年以后,他退休了,生意也交給了兒子。“爸爸,”兒子說：“有件事我得弄清楚,您是怎樣使墻的顏色與花瓶配得那么完美的？”

“兒子,”父親回答說：“我漆了花瓶。”

2.Whose son is the greatest
 
The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. “My son is a monsignor,” said the first proud woman. “When he enters a room, people say, ‘Hello, Monsignor‘.”　　The second mother went on, “My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, ‘Hello, Your Excellency‘.”
“My son is a cardinal.” continued the next one. “When he enters a room, people say, ‘Hello, Your Eminence‘. 　　
” The fourth mother thought for a moment. “My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, ” she said. “When he enters a room, people say, ‘Oh, my God‘!”

翻譯：

誰的兒子最偉大

四位牧師的母親聚到一起談論她們的兒子。“我的兒子是個教士，”第一位母親自豪地說道，“他進入房間，人們都說，‘您好，閣下’。”
第二為母親說：“我的兒子是位主教。他進入房間，人們都稱，‘您好，大人’。” “我的兒子是位紅衣主教，”第三位母親接著說，“他走進房間，人們都說，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。”
第四位母親略思片刻。“我的兒子身高六英尺十，體重三百磅，”她說，“他要是走入房間，人們都說‘哦，我的上帝’！”
 

 3. What Are The Two Words？

A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter．“My dear，” said the old lady，“I wish you would do something for me．I wish you would promise me never to use two words．One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’．Would you promise me that？ “Why，sure，Granny，”said the girl．“What are the two words？”

翻譯：

是哪兩個詞？

一個非常高貴的老夫人有幾句話要對她的孫女說。“我親愛的，”老夫人說：“我希望你能幫我一個忙。我要你答應永遠不要用兩個詞。一個是‘討厭的’，另一個是‘極好的’。你能答應我嗎？” “噢，當然，奶奶。”女孩說：“是哪兩個詞？”

4. I Want Her to go Nuts

Mrs. Flinders decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, “Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant.”　　
“But you‘re not wearing any of those things.” 　　
“I know,” said Mrs. Flinders.” It‘s in case I should die before my husband. I‘m sure he‘d remarry right away, and I want her to go nuts looking for the jewelry.”

翻譯：

我想她發(fā)瘋

福林德斯夫人決定讓人給她畫肖像。她告訴那位肖像畫家說：“畫我?guī)е@石耳環(huán)、鉆石項鏈、祖母綠手鐲，還有紅寶石垂飾。” 　　
“但你現(xiàn)在沒帶這其中的任何一樣飾品。”
“我知道。”福林德斯夫人說，“萬一我先我丈夫死去，我肯定他會立刻再婚。我要讓那個女人為尋找這些珠寶而發(fā)瘋。”