Beware of dog

As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, “Danger! Beware of dog!” posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. “Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?” he asked the owner. “Yep, that‘s him,” came the reply. The stranger couldn‘t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn‘t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?” “Because,” the owner explained, “Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!”

翻譯：
小心有狗
一名陌生人走進一家鄉間小商店，看到玻璃門上帖著的一個告示牌上寫著，“危險! 小心有狗!” 進去后，他看到一條樣子一點都不兇的老狗趴在收款機旁邊的地板上睡覺。 “這就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊？” 陌生人問店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。 聽到這個回答， 陌生人覺得很好笑。“我覺得那條狗一點都不可怕。 你帖那個告示做什么？” “因為，” 店主解釋說，“在我帖告示之前， 大伙老被他絆倒。”

Stupid Orders

When Nasreddin was a boy, he never did what he was told, so his father always told him to do the opposite of what he wanted him to do. One day, when the two were bringing sacks of flour home on their donkeys, they had to cross a shallow river. When they were in the middle of it, one of the sacks on Nasreddin‘s donkey began to slip, so his father said, “That sack is nearly in the water! Press down hard on it!” His father of course expected that he would do the opposite, but this time Nasreddin did what his father had told him to do. He pressed down on the sack and it went under water. Of course, the flour was lost. “What have you done, Nasreddin,” his father shouted angrily. “Well, father,” said Nasreddin. “This time I thought that I would do just what you told me to show you how stupid your orders always are.”

翻譯：

愚蠢的命令
當納斯雷金還是個孩子時，從來不按照別人所說的去做。所以他爸爸想要他去做某事時，常叫他做相反的事。 一天，父子倆用毛驢馱著幾袋面粉往家走，路上必須經過一條不深的小河。父子倆走到河中心時，納斯雷金牽的那頭毛驢上有一袋面粉開始往下滑了。他爸爸說：“那個袋子快掉進水里了，使勁往下按！”他爸爸當然是希望他象以往一樣，干和他所說的相反的事。可這次納斯雷金卻按照他爸爸所說的去做了。他使勁一按，袋子沉進水里了。當然，這袋面也沒有了。 他爸爸憤怒地喊道：“你干的什么事！” 納斯雷金說：“嗯，爸爸，這次我想按你所要求的去做，好證明你以往的命令是多么的愚蠢。”

I took off from work

My personnel-management class consisted mainly of adult, working students. One night while discussing job enrichment, the teacher asked if any of us would be happy doing what we did that day for the rest of our lives. A student in the back raised his hand. Surprised, the teacher asked him, “What did you do today?” Smiling, he said, “I took off from work.”

翻譯：

我請假了
我曾參加過一個員工管理培訓課程，我們班上基本上都是成年人和一些半工半讀的學生。一天晚上我們在課上討論工作豐富化的問題。我們的老師問我們當中有沒有人愿意一輩子做今天所做的事情。坐在教室最后面的一個學生舉起了手。老師覺得很驚奇，于是問那個學生，“你今天做什么來著？”，學生笑著回答，“我今天請假了”。

nobody available

I was going to bed the other night when my wife told me that I had left the light on in the shed. She could see from the bedroom window. As I looked for myself, I saw that there were people in the shed taking things. I phoned the police, but they told me that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available. I said ok, hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. “Hello. I just called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don‘t have to worry about them now cause I‘ve shot them all.” Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an armed response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said: “I thought you said that you‘d shot them!” I replied with “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

誰都沒空

那天晚上，我剛要上床睡覺，妻子告訴我說我沒有關儲藏室的燈，她從臥室的窗戶看見那還亮著。我也透過窗戶朝那邊看，發現有幾個人正在偷東西。我趕忙報警，但是警察局說現在沒有警察在我家的這片位置，他們一有了人手就馬上派過來。我說沒問題，然后掛了電話，等了一分鐘，又給他們打過去：“警察局嗎，一分鐘以前我打過電話來，我告訴你說有人正在我家的儲藏室偷東西。但是現在沒事了，因為我剛剛開槍把他們都打死了。”隨后，五分鐘之內有六輛警車來到了我家，警報也響了。當然，他們當場抓住了竊賊。有個警察對我說：“我記得你說你把他們都打死了。”我回答道：“我記得你說現在誰都沒空。”