captain speaking

This is your captain speaking. On behalf of my crew… I‘d like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it to waving at you. That‘s me, the copilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recording.

翻譯:
機(jī)長的聲音

這是你們機(jī)長的聲音。請?jiān)试S我代表全體工作人員，歡迎你們乘坐英國航空公司602號航班從紐約飛往倫敦。我們此時(shí)在大西洋上空35,000英尺的高度。如果你從飛機(jī)的右邊向窗外看去，你將會發(fā)現(xiàn)右側(cè)的兩個(gè)引擎都已經(jīng)起火。如果你從左邊往外看，你就會看到那邊的機(jī)翼已經(jīng)脫落了。如果你俯視下面的大西洋，那么你會看到一艘黃色的救生筏，上面有三個(gè)人正在朝你揮手。那是我、副駕駛員還有我們的一名女乘務(wù)員。這是一段錄音。

traffic accident

A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign … hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passerbys pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so. He said, “I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing ‘Shell‘ sign. And somebody was standing in front of the ‘S.‘

翻譯:

交通事故

有個(gè)人開車行駛在上班的路上，一輛卡車闖紅燈從側(cè)面撞上了他的車，當(dāng)時(shí)他就不省人事了。路旁的行人把他從車?yán)锢鰜聿拘阉傄恍堰^來，他就拼命的掙扎著，最后不得不用了藥物才讓他鎮(zhèn)靜下來。過了一會兒，他平靜了，別人問他為什么要這么恐怖的掙扎，他說：“被撞之后我就什么都不知道了，當(dāng)我醒過來，我發(fā)現(xiàn)我躺在了路邊，前面是一個(gè)巨大的廣告牌上面閃爍著‘殼牌’，但是有個(gè)人擋住了那個(gè)“S”?！?Shell去掉S就是hell,意思是地獄)

 
How much does it cost to have an obituary printed”

The phone rang in the obituary department of the local newspaper. “How much does it cost to have an obituary printed”? asked the woman. “It‘s five dollars a word, ma‘a(chǎn)m,” the clerk replied politely. “Fine,” said the woman after a moment. “Got a pencil?” “Yes ma‘a(chǎn)m.” “Got some paper?” “Yes ma‘a(chǎn)m.” “Okay, write this down: ‘Cohen dead‘.” “That‘s all?” asked the clerk disbelievingly. “That‘s it.” “I‘m sorry ma‘a(chǎn)m, I should have told you – there‘s a five word minimum.” “Yes, you should‘ve,” snapped the woman. Now let me think a minute… okay, got a pencil?” “Yes ma‘a(chǎn)m.” “Got some paper?” “Yes, ma‘a(chǎn)m.” “Okay, here goes: ‘Cohen dead. Cadillac for Sale.‘”

翻譯:

登一篇訃告多少錢？

地方報(bào)社負(fù)責(zé)刊登死亡訃告的部門電話響了。“登一篇訃告多少錢？”一位女士問?！拔迕涝粋€(gè)字，太太?！睍泦T禮貌地回答?！昂玫?，”女士沉默了一小會兒，“拿著筆呢嗎？”“是的，夫人。”“紙呢？”“是的，夫人。”“好的，這樣寫：‘科恩去世了’”“就這些了？”書記員疑惑地問道。“對，就這些?！薄昂鼙?，夫人，我剛才沒有告訴您，在我們這登訃告最少也得五個(gè)字?！薄皼]錯(cuò)，你就應(yīng)該告訴我，”女士有點(diǎn)生氣了，“現(xiàn)在我得考慮一下，嗯…拿著筆呢嗎？”“是的，夫人?！薄凹埬?？”“是的，夫人?！薄昂玫?，這樣寫：‘科恩去世了，出售一輛卡迪拉克轎車?！?/p>

a letter to God

A little boy needed $50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $50. When the post office received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the president. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those turkeys kept $45 in taxes.

翻譯:

寫給上帝的信
有個(gè)小男孩非常需要50美元，他為此禱告了數(shù)周但是什么也沒發(fā)生。后來，他決定寫封信向上帝索要這50美元。郵局接到這封信，想了想覺得還是應(yīng)該交給總統(tǒng)比較好?？偨y(tǒng)被逗笑了，于是指示秘書寄給小男孩5美元，因?yàn)樗X得5美元對于一個(gè)小孩來講已經(jīng)是不少了。小男孩收到了錢很高興，給上帝回了一封感謝信，信里寫道：尊敬的上帝，非常感謝你把錢寄給我。然而，我發(fā)現(xiàn)這些錢是通過白宮寄出的，因此，和往常一樣，那幫家伙收了我45美元的稅。